Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
