just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
