After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
