u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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