im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
