Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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