Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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