My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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