The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Randomize
