sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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