a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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