absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
