I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
