I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
