you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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