Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
