i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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