Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
