does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
