Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
