I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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