i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
