If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
