walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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