I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
