the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
