thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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