This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
