mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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