You're my little dorito
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
