I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize