Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
