just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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