Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
