I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
