A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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