nut hugger
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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