I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
