called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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