Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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