3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The best revenge is premature balding
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
