remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
