I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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