Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
