it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
