I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize