Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
