New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
