guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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