Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
