I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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