I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
