after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
