wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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