too bad you live with your parents still
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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