we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
