I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
