Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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