If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
