After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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