Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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