I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just cropdusted the office
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
