it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
