It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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