This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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