we have pet lesbian snakes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
